Thursday, August 31, 2006

The wedding that almost wasn't

So for months, the maid of honor had been hitting on the groom, following him into men's rooms and flashing him. Either the bride didn't know or she didn't take it seriously until about 2 days before the wedding, when tipped off by the other bridesmaid.

That's when it all went to hell.

The bride and her MOH had it out in a hotel corridor. Rumor has it that at one point, the bride aimed her righteous indignation at the groom, saying, "The wedding is OFF." But eventually she stomped off to the rehearsal dinner, 40 minutes late, arriving in state and looking gorgeous, determined, and not a little pissed off.

The MOH was nowhere in sight. But her boyfriend was there, also looking pissed, drinking copiously and playing with the bride's 6-year-old son. And by "playing with," I mean making near-constant jokes about the little boy going easy on the rum and Cokes. He himself showed no such restraint.

Later the wedding party (minus C) went out on the town, not to return to the hotel until 7 a.m., when the groom slept all day and apparently had some sort of bladder-control issues. Apparently there was a pissed motif. C and I didn't get the memo.

The next day, the MOH did come to the wedding, dressed to kill in coral satin. But she looked heartbroken the entire time. I was taking photos from the front row of the tiny ceremony, and I have more than a few of her looking wistfully at the groom.

Her boyfriend sat right behind me, glowering. And clutching his Red Bull and vodka. We were all clutching drinks, actually; that was the only way the wedding coordinator could get our tiny party to move out to the moongate where the wedding would be held. If, that was, it was still on.

Finally he herded us all out there and the ceremony began, right at sunset. The minister asked if anyone had any objections, and I don't think anyone breathed.

Later that night, amid the chicken dance and the hors d'oeuvres, the MOH kept leaving the reception and her boyfriend would mysteriously reappear. Finally, after the cake was cut and the toasts given, he stormed out and she followed him. He stopped, said "This relationship is OVER!", and stalked off, leaving her wide-eyed in his wake.

The next morning they were spotted having a congenial breakfast.

I was agog. "But they broke up!" I whispered to C, hoping they would not see us and come over.

"They've probably broken up five times this week," he said.

I have never been so glad to be out of my 20s.

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