It's supposed to suck

I'm trying to write the first (official) scene in the Pere book. Well, no trying about it; I've just done it. It's quite short. And it sucks! Big surprise. (Although I did manage to get their kitchen garden in the first couple paragraphs. It's shaped like a Celtic cross. Yay me.)

But then, as Tess Gerritsen once said, it's a first draft: it's supposed to suck.

Where is Triumph the Comic Insult Dog when you need him?