Friday, November 24, 2006

Bleah

Ever had one of those days where you could swear there was a smudge on your glasses but you couldn't get it off? And that was the only thing you had to blog about, since you spent the morning in your pajamas, furiously reading Patricia Cornwell's Predator and wishing you had the plot chops she does, and then shopping aimlessly for fake Christmas wreaths and then realizing - at the checkout stand, as you are paying - that you will really miss that great pine smell when you walk in your door, but you're committed now -- and then coming home and having no freaking clue what to do with your work in progress -- which you are pretty sure is dead on the table anyway, I mean who the hell are you kidding, you, writing a novel? So what if it's your fourth; they're all crap -- and meanwhile an agent in New York is waiting for it, waiting for you to finish it, since you somehow conned her into believing that you had some talent and some persistence and maybe even something special, something she could sell -- and you remind yourself that your last novel didn't suck that bad, it just got so long and kind of unwieldy but that was because you put it through like eleventy million drafts, and anyway that was a learner novel and you didn't know what your story was, but in this one you do, kind of anyway, and this one is a first draft and all first drafts suck, so you really do have a chance to improve it if you will just calm down and start typing --- and so, at long last, you talk yourself down from the ledge all writers find themselves standing on at least once a day, and you finally, FINALLY settle down to work, only you are completely unable to clear your glasses of this maddening smudge? This smudge that is killing your work in progress, your future career, and your faith in yourself all in one fell fucking swoop? And meanwhile you've signed up for this ridiculous post-once-a-day thing that SOME IRRITATING WOMAN suggested, WHILE CLEARLY DRUNK, might be fun? And you had nothing to say? Nothing at all? NOTHING?

Ever had a day like that?

Well. Welcome to Hell.

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